seems my destiny

last night when i got home from work, i did the usual and avoided running in the park and opted instead for a small ham sangwich and an episode of Seinfeld. after that i decided to take a nap which ended up being four hours long. yes i am going somewhere with this.

so after my nap i go out to watch some tube with chuck and Return of the King is on and i desperately want to watch it but there's no way chuck is having any of that, so we watch Executive Decision with Snake Plisskin and then some HBO Undercover thing about dog kennels in Arkansas that abuse the shit out of dogs.

anyway i decide i should go to bed after that because it's already 1 am but i'm not even tired. so i'm in bed trying to sleep and all i can think about is abby who is living in budapest and all the people i met in croatia who changed my life in many ways and i felt the pull i had not felt in so long, that desire to live in slatina or dubrovnik or some other village or city and teach english and learn croatian and be a part of another culture because i feel the longer i stay in the states the smaller my world becomes and it's so easy to dismiss things you can't see firsthand. all the faces of those i met in slatina and osijek and the times abby and i shared when i went to visit her exactly a year ago and my friends ben and carmen who let me stay in their guest room and were such great hosts but who i never talk to anymore because i think ben got pissed at me for writing stuff about abby when i got back to the states, all these things are running through my head for like 2 hours which kind of freaked me out because normally i can fall asleep like it's nobody's business. and it wasn't like a wrote bad things about abby when i got back to the states. i just felt as though the relationship was over for whatever reason, like she was walking too fast my last night in budapest or some other stupid neurotic shit my brain wrestled with.

the fact i'm writing about this a year later makes me wonder about a lot of things. one thing's for sure though: if i lived in europe i'd still be able to see ween because they occasionally tour europe.